Dear Americans,
I know a lot of you think Trump is making you look bad internationally. I understand that. The man is an oaf—a buffoon.
But America has looked bad for a while now. It started with killing almost all of the native population of North America and then celebrating the mass murderer and slave trader otherwise known as Christopher Columbus. It went on with you forcing Japan to sign trade treaties in the late 1800s with your destroyers parked in Japanese harbors and pointed squarely at the largest Japanese cities. People kind of forgot about how bad you were during the two world wars because they were too busy being scared shitless and worrying about overt racism in the form of Hitler rather than the covert racism which America has taken to practicing since the supposed end of Slavery. Nuking both Hiroshima and Nagasaki, however, quickly put things back into perspective. Things haven’t been much better since the collapse of the Soviet Union, with, literally, hundreds of American military bases spread around more than 130 countries worldwide. We know why they’re there, no matter how you may delude yourselves into thinking they’re welcome there, and no matter how much you want to believe they’re there for peace-keeping reasons. It hasn’t been much better lately, with America placing tens of thousands of troops near North Korea, running military exercises that simulate scenarios in which you attack North Korea, and then, despite North Korea being thousands of miles away from the USA, acting as though all of this were in self-defense. You said the same thing about invading Iraq, despite the ridiculous lack of WMDs there. You said the same thing about Afghanistan, even though after 9/11 (which you’re self-absorbed enough to think is the worst thing to ever happen to any country), the Taliban actually offered to hand over Bin Laden to an international criminal court if the USA could show any evidence linking him to the attack. Evidence, clearly, is something only lesser countries need. In the meantime, everybody’s favorite president Obama spent 8 years dropping a bomb (on average) every 20 minutes, but he obviously did this in places you don’t know and don’t care about, so you didn’t even notice, and probably still think of him as a pretty nice guy, after all, he has children, makes jokes, dances, and absolves you, or so you believe, of any accusations of racism since he is, at least on the surface, black. Obama is also the guy who had a kill list, not of convicted terrorists, but of suspects, and in attempting to extra-judiciously murder 50 of them, ended up killing a total of more than 4000 Pakistani’s. You don’t have to look up Pakistan on the map since you’ll probably confuse it with India, suffice it to say that Pakistani’s are mostly brown and mostly Muslim, so you didn’t notice, and now that you know, probably don’t care. Your second favorite president (after all, you like two-party games), Donald Trump – is hated by those of you who believe he’s worse than Obama, despite the fact that, at least so far, he actually has less blood on his hands. I’m assured, however, that he’ll do his damndest to catch up.
It’s not Trump that’s making America look bad; it’s your foreign policy.
