Belief

Some days I am pantheistic and sophist. I believe not in truth, but in quality, not in the true, but in the good. That we are all alive, that we are all one life, that the universe is breathing, and that we are it’s breath. That there is no history, no past, no future. Nothing but one giant living organism, of which we are part. An organism that is not facist, that changes, that makes place for what is good. On those days, I believe in the good.

On other days, things are more difficult, and I become a gnostic. I know what I know. And what I think does not matter. And what I know is that there are two gods, that is the only explanation.

There cannot be only one. Because there is a lot of pain, and a lot of hurt, and this world is not perfect, and the god who created it cannot be perfect, cannot be this cruel. Cannot have caused all this pain. All this famine. All this war and starvation.

On those days I believe the manicheans, and the gnostics, I believe that there are two. One higher, and the other lower.

The higher is the one I trust, he is the one who is good, he is the one who is trying to help. Trying to make things better. Trying to make us hurt not quite so much.

The lower is the one who is closer to us. The source, perhaps, of the pain. Or maybe the one who is simply powerless to reduce the pain. Powerless to heal, a creating, but not a healing god.

On those days I believe I belong to the higher god. That I am one of his children, and not of the lower god. That we are here to help the higher god heal this world. Becuase this world and its people are screaming. And they have been screaming for thousands and thousands of years.

On those days, I know truth. And the truth that I know hurts.

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5 Comments

  1. I believe life is a test,and when you see all that pain and corruption around you,that’s a test for your faith,imagine if god made everything perfect,no pain,no troubles at all,where’s the test,when will you able to tell the strong believers from the weak ones

    Your true self is shown at the hardest times,that’s why pain -or everything “evil”- exists,in my opion.

  2. Tell that to all the starving children, tell that to the ones who’ve lived to see their fathers murdered and their mothers raped. Tell them that God wants only the best for them, that this is all part of a ‘test’ – that they will be rewarded for their suffering.

    I wouldn’t dare tell that to any of them, and if I did, I would fully expect them to spit in my face and curse whatever unholy deity chooses to subject innocence to pain and horror.

    No thanks.

  3. What about all that suffering that the first muslims had to indure,and all the suffering that the prophet himself had to take,and yet these people still had faith,that they WILL be rewarded.

    These people had the same bilogical structure as you and me,and they were not forced to believe,yet they did.

  4. These people are ADULTS and are responsible for whatever suffering they CHOOSE to endure – nothing in my reply referred to them.

    I am referring to the millions of innocents who suffer without having chosen to challenge anything, who get screwed without having challenged the belief systems, etc.

    You should be able to see the difference.

    Now you’re just confusing issues.

  5. Yeah i get it,I guess i can’t make a fair judgment because i have never been in thier shoes..

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